Lessons I’m learning as a white man…
When you think of the worst things you have done in your life, the things that cause you to feel shame or SHOULD cause you to feel shame, would you want to be defined by your worst moments?
When I look back to my past, I am ashamed of so many choices, so many thoughts, so many words, so many… But even during those years when my lifestyle centered on selfishness and pleasure, I believe most people who knew me then thought of me as a good friend, a hard worker, and a thoughtful person. Why? Because all of us as friends, as imperfect as we were, refused to define one another by our worst moments, the moments that were outweighed by many more aspects of our character that were honest and true.
This is an important question we should be willing to ask when we are making decisions about other people and their character, “Does ______________ characterize them?” Meaning, does that choice, that idea, that opinion, that statement, or that attitude represent who they are? We do not want our worst moments to define us and neither should we define others by their worst moments…unless those worst moments are who they are the majority of time.
Part of racism is defining an entire ethnic group of people based on the actions and behaviors of a few. Oftentimes those actions and behaviors are personal. A friend shared with me recently about when growing up in a large city in the US during his youth, two black kids threatened to beat him up and stole his bike as he was riding home from school. A pastor friend here in Newport News shared a story of how some black kids beat him up one day when he was a teenager as he was walking home from school. Both of these men know they must not define a race of people by the actions of a few, but experiences are hard to shake. These men are God loving, Jesus following, people embracing, salt of the earth kinds of people. And even still, they will tell you, healing from harm is difficult and refusing to see black people with suspicion has been a journey for them.
Now imagine an entire race of people who have been enslaved, brutalized, demeaned, mocked, imprisoned, raped, and murdered for centuries…by predominantly all white people. You tell me how hard it should be to trust. The courage I see in people of color inspires me. When we look back on the story in America of racism, if anyone had the right to never trust again, it would be our black brothers and sisters. But most, not all, but most are saying, “Help us trust again.” What will you do? Will you stay silent? Or will you become a voice that turns back the tide of racism in America and chooses to be an example of people of different colors and different stories finding a way to trust?
And if I can be so bold, color isn’t just about race. Blue is suffering too. If we refuse to let people define us my our worst moments, if we refuse to allow ourselves to define races by a few wrong acts and attitudes, then let’s agree to stop defining all law enforcement by the bad acts, as atrocious as they are, of the few. Are those bad acts too often repeated, yes. Are those bad acts too often overlooked, yes. Are those bad acts too often unpunished, yes. But we must be willing to afford the color blue that same benefit we all seek. We must not define ALL based on the actions of the FEW.
As a society we cannot move forward unless part of this movement is to always respect the right of every person, every race, and every profession to have a reputation based on the whole and not the part. Let’s be relentless in our efforts to rid ourselves of the parts that are evil and bad but not at the expense of the parts that a noble, good, and right.
Lessons I’m learning as a white man…